meaning seemed to be the kind of thing like compositions they made us write in exercise books back in primary school

i wrote "...today we went to the natural history museum"
i wrote "...i am so proud to be given this opportunity"
i wrote "...a surge of warmth rose up in my chest"

we were taught to speak of passions and pride and dream-come-trues before we knew what any of them meant,
and afterwards we never got to learn what any of them meant perhaps we did know at one point but being forced to say it all the time has made them impossible to recognise even if they stare at you in the face

There are many words to choose from but none of them quite fit. So many words that they block your throat and make you choke

i wanted not meaning but its eradication

to have a meaning you need to conform to the power that assigns it

i wanted
to cut open the flesh
strip away all the signals, signs, subtext

until there is not past. no name. no origin.

your words are not your own - you don't make it yourself and you certainly don't get to keep it

the meaning is "out there", in the wild, running through alley-ways and hiding behind street signs

you run after it, even capture it in a cardboard box or a gilded cage, yet it escapes eventually, and goes on living long after you perish